Touken Week
by WardenN7
Summary: A series of prompts written for Touken Week. Day 3: Confession. "She knew it, deep down inside of herself: she knew the boy, whose black hair was as dark as the night sky, and eyes that were as bright as stars, had been something special, something that mattered."
1. Bittersweet Blushes

"Touka-chan, would you like to get coffee with me?"

The question was as normal as normal could be. They had no underlying meaning, no hidden motive disguised with the pure sweetness of his voice, but they were still enough to make Touka blush like an average school girl.

"_Haaaaah?_"

The pure incredulity of her voice was enough to make Kaneki look away with unease. He ran his hand through his hair and chuckled in discomfort at his co-worker's penetrating stare. He understood enough about Touka to know she wasn't angry, but he was still uncertain around her at times, not yet quite adjusted to her personality.

Now was one of those times.

Flustered, Kaneki turned back to Touka, "I...I asked if you wanted to go get some coffee with me?" He had nothing to fear, he reminded himself. There was nothing wrong with asking her a question.

Touka's red face, she was sure, had turned to the color of a ripe tomato. She grimaced at Kaneki and gave him a firm slap across the head.

"Idiot Kaneki, you don't just ask girls if they want to go get coffee with you! People would get the wrong idea!"

Oh...

_Oh._

"I'm so sorry, Touka-chan!" Kaneki screeched, and for a moment he forgot that he was still working his shift at Anteiku. He was not prepared for the customer's startled faces to whip in his direction, so he ducked his head quickly in embarrassment, hesitantly looking back to the irritated girl in front of him.

"I didn't mean it like that, Touka-chan, I'm _really _sorry. I was asking because, well, you seem to be pretty stressed from studying for your exams. I figured getting coffee from somewhere else besides Anteiku would be a nice change of pace for you, you know?"

He hoped with every fiber of his being that she didn't take anything he said as offensive. After all the time they've spent together training, they had grown a bit closer, but the real shift in their relationship was after the fight with those CCG investigators. He had offered to help her, and instead of insulting him, she had accepted him _and _his help, only letting out an exasperated, _I don't get you._

Yes, at this point Kaneki feels like he has some sort of grasp on how to handle Touka Kirishima.

Until just now, that is.

"Eh? I'm not stressed, idiot," Touka drawled, and Kaneki thought the forced spite in her voice would've been more effective if she hadn't yawned during the sentence.

Kaneki shook his head at Touka, standing to his full height again. "But you _are, _Touka-chan. The bags under your eyes are all the proof I need."

_Was it really that obvious? _Touka had attempted to put concealer under her eyes to hide the tired bags, but her lack of knowledge concerning makeup had been working against her. She just dabbed some on and hoped for the best.

"That's not true!" Touka barked at him angrily. Her defenses were being torn down by Kaneki of all people. It didn't even matter if it was something as silly as makeup. The thought of being slightly vulnerable to her co-worker made her uncomfortable in more ways than one.

"Touka," Kaneki began gently, understandingly, and she blushed at the usage of her first name. He had never called her Touka without the honorific before. "I was in your shoes not that long ago. I know what it's like to be stressed out for exams, especially when you're aiming to apply in a University as prestigious as Kamii, but you need to relax sometimes, too."

Touka grumbled, turning the other way. Yoshimura had told her the same thing a couple of weeks ago, and she had so plainly ignored him, but what could she do now? It was in the open, and she couldn't argue with him all day, especially during work hours.

Kaneki noticed her hesitation and pounced on the opportunity.

"Come on, Touka-chan! We can go out, get some coffee, maybe even see a movie if there's anything you're interested in! We can make a day out of it!"

His smile was glowing, and she was struck by its radiance. Again, Kaneki had offered her his help, and for what reason? Simply to be kind?

She really didn't get him.

But how was she supposed to say no?

"Ugh, fine, if it'll make you get off my back. But I swear, if I get a bad grade on my exams because of this, I'll kill you, idiot."

Kaneki chuckled, "You're not that good at insults when you're tired, are you, Touka-chan?"

Touka narrowed her eyes at Kaneki, swiftly punching him in the arm. "I can still hit harder than you can, Kaneki."


	2. Summertime Ponderings

They were walking on either side of Hinami, both of them holding on to each of the girl's hands. Hinami was swinging Touka and Kaneki's hands back and forth, a pleasant smile adorning her lips while her older companions struggled to keep up with her fast pace, sweat pouring from their faces. It was possibly the worst day of the two older ghoul's lives.

Why in the world did they think it was a good idea to go out with Hinami on one of the hottest days of Summer?

"Hina-chan, are you sure that you want to keep walking like this?" Kaneki asked as gently as he could, careful to not spoil her fun by hinting that he was quite literally _dying _from the heat. "Maybe you want to sit down under that tree or something?"

"Huh? But we're not finished walking the trail! Why would I want to go sit down under a tree now?"

"Well, you see, I was thinking that maybe we could-"

"Hinami," Touka cut Kaneki off, softly panting from the heat. "It's too hot outside, and we're not exactly properly dressed for this."

It was true. The idea to go down to the park was Touka's idea after she saw Hinami staring at one of Ryouko's belongings in sadness. Touka wasted no time in informing Hinami of her plans, and when she saw Kaneki, she forced him along for the ride.

"_Touka-chan!_" Kaneki whispered to Touka, narrowing his eyes slightly. "_You're the one who suggested this, you can't just back out of this now!_"

"Why are you whispering?" Touka raised an unimpressed brow, turning the other way. Her lip twitched when Kaneki accused this of being her idea – and yeah, it was her idea, but honestly, both he and her knew she had a point. It wasn't unreasonable to ask for a couple of minutes under the shade.

Hinami stood for a moment, watching Touka and Kaneki bicker with each other, before walking in between the two of them, taking both of their hands yet again and effectively ending the argument.

"Onii-chan, if you wanted to go sit under the shade because you're hot, then you should've just told me! I don't want anything bad to happen to you just because I wanted to walk in the sun for a bit!"

Touka smirked, satisfied when Kaneki blushed, agreeing with Hinami. The trio walked towards the nearest tree, more than ready to sit under the shade for a bit, and as Hinami watched Kaneki and Touka sit next to each other, Kaneki offering Touka a small smile while Touka turned the other way, lips turned down uncomfortably, her lips turned slightly upwards in a smirk.

"Onee-chan! Is it okay if I go play over there for a bit!" Hinami pointed to some place farther away from the tree, turning to Touka with faux curiosity.

"Eh? I don't know, Hinami. I thought we were all going to rest for a bit..."

"Come on, Touka-chan, what would it hurt?" Kaneki questioned, always the voice of reason. "You and I both know we'll have our eyes on her the whole time, and if any investigators show up, we can easily grab her and go."

Touka frowned at Kaneki and turned to Hinami, inspecting her thoroughly. After a moment she sighed and turned the other way, muttering, "go ahead and play, but don't cause any problems."

Hinami's smile widened and she ran to her designated play area, and after seeing a butterfly, attempted to chase after it, careful not to leave her elder's sights. Touka smiled softly at the scene, and she heard the sound of Kaneki lightly chuckling. Turning to him in curiosity, she raised a brow in silent question.

Kaneki smiled at Touka and quietly said, "It's nice seeing her play like this, considering how she never had many chances to before."

Touka studied Kaneki for a moment before turning back to watch Hinami. She played with her thoughts a bit before speaking to her companion, eyes still trained on the little girl in front of her.

"It's rare when ghouls feel comfortable enough to do anything - even playing - out in the open like this. You're always wondering if there's an investigator just right around the corner, waiting to kill you or bring you back to the CCG. It's hard, and it's how Ryouko and Hinami lived for most of their life, so yeah, I'm happy that she gets a chance to just play like this for a bit."

Kaneki nodded, even if he didn't completely understand how it felt. Sure, he had gone through the pain of becoming a ghoul, and he was now faced with many of their problems, but if any of this had happened to him as a child? He wasn't too sure if he could make it. Sometimes he couldn't even believe that Touka herself made it, because no matter how tough she was, Kaneki knew that her strength came through years of fighting.

He took a moment to just watch his companion. Her eyes, he noticed, were heavy with tension, as if she expected that she would have to grab Hinami and bolt any second now. Her smile contradicted her eyes. It was soft and warm, and Kaneki knew that a part of her was happy here, content with watching Hinami be happy.

"Touka-chan," Kaneki began, and when she responded with a small _yeah?, _eyes still trained on Hinami, smile still subconsciously staying on her lips, he knew that Touka Kirishima was probably the most amazing person he's ever known.

Touka turned to Kaneki, eyebrows furrowed when he didn't respond, and she was surprised to see the older boy just...looking at her. Her smile fell down into a frown again - _it was a shame, Kaneki thought. Her smile was pretty enough that he could stare at it for days. -_ before saying, "Oi, what's the matter, Kaneki? Did the heat get to you or something?"

"Huh?" Kaneki asked as he was shaken from his stupor, and he only now just realized that he had stared at her for much longer than he should have. "No, not all, Touka-chan."_  
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Touka squinted at him, "You sure? You were looking straight at me, but you didn't seem to really be there? Do you need some ice to put on your head or something?"

Kaneki shook his head, willing his small blush to go away. "No, but thank you for caring, Touka-chan."

Touka looked at Kaneki a bit longer before turning the other way, looking back to Hinami.

"I don't care, Idiot Kaneki. Manager might be mad though if you have a heat stroke out here, and I didn't do anything to prevent it."

"Okay, Touka-chan," Kaneki murmered. "Whatever you say."

They both watched Hinami playing for a few more moments. The girl was attempting to do cart-wheels in the grass, and she was failing miserably, but she continued to giggle and try again. Touka smiled once more before standing up and looking to Kaneki.

"We should probably get going now. I think we've had a long enough break."

"Yeah, you're right," Kaneki answered. He stood up, wiping the grass away from his jeans, and he didn't know why, but before Touka continued he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Touka-chan...you're smile. It's pretty. You should do it more often."

Touka snapped her face towards Kaneki, eyes growing wide, a blush scattering across her cheeks. Her first instinct was to insult him, yell at him, _anything _really, but when she saw his smile, genuine yet slightly embarrassed, she stopped herself from doing so. What would insulting him do? He's proven time and time again that he'll keep on being nice to her, no matter what she says to try to deter him.

But still, even though she knows he's just being nice, it shouldn't be messing with her so much. Her stomach was fluttering and it felt uncomfortable. Some stupid boy shouldn't be causing all of this.

"Whatever, Kaneki," she said, unable to properly insult him. "Let's just get Hinami and go."

Kaneki smiled. "Sure thing, Touka-chan."

He wouldn't push her to accept the compliment, or to even say anything really, because he knew: knew that, deep down, she appreciated it, but she still didn't know how to deal with stuff like this. With people being actively nice to her, complimenting her, helping her out.

He remembered after their fight in the church with Tsukiyama. How Kimi had seen Touka and her kagune, how instead of retracting in fear she had stared at it in awe, and even dared to call it beautiful.

He remembered how Touka reacted to that as well, and he promised himself that he would continue to be nice to her, continue to help her out, continue to give her small compliments; and not because he wanted anything from her. If she didn't want to be his friend, then that was fine, because he could deal with that. Even if it would sting, he would deal.

Because he knew, with every fiber of his being, that if anyone deserved all of the kindness in the world, it was Touka.


	3. Tough Confession, Fragile Heart

She's rummaging through her pack, searching desperately for a specific item. Her breathing is labored, and her hands are shaking, hindering her search, and she hates that she doesn't have more control over herself. After deciding that the thing she's looking for is not in her pack, she begins to dig through her other bag, grunting in displeasure when she can't seen to find it.

And when her fingers brush the smooth, cold mask, her eyes light up, but it's not like before: her eyes have a glint in them, savage and wild and dangerous, and the smile that forms on her lips is not soft, but hungry, more than ready to kill, to hurt, to satiate the blood-lust that has been slowly forming for the CCG ever since they raided Anteiku and the rest of the 20th ward.

She grips the mask and stands, going for the door, ready to slip it on and leave before a rough, low voice calls out to her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

She pauses for a moment, the voice momentarily halting her, until she growls out, "What business is it of yours?"

Yomo walked slowly towards Touka, and the fact that he was taking his own sweet time coming over to her just to answer her question angered her, because now he was wasting _her _time.

"It's plenty of my business. I'm looking after you, and I won't let you do anything rash-"

"Shut up!" Touka hissed, turning to face Yomo. "You're not in charge of me, you can't make me do anything, and you can't stop me from doing anything! I'm leaving, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it!" She smiles at him cruelly, and she hopes her words sting him enough that he'll leave her be.

Yomo's usual blank look irritates her. She can't get a read on him, can't tell what he's thinking, not even from the inflection of his voice. It bothers her, and she turns around, ready to continue on her path, when Yomo speaks up again.

"If you really think I'll let you leave this place, then you're more foolish than I thought, Touka."

They had taken refuge in an abandoned building in the middle of nowhere. After the CCG raided the 20th ward with a 99% ghoul extermination rate, Yomo had figured the ghoul investigators wouldn't bother to look in some random, far-away building as long as they were careful and did not get too comfortable. Becoming comfortable in their surroundings would be the worst thing they, as ghouls, could possibly do.

"Just leave me alone!" Touka yelled out, twisting around to see the older man again. "What does it matter to you if I go outside? What if I just wanted to go on a walk, huh?"

"Going on a walk while taking your mask?" Yomo crossed his arms authoritatively, inspecting Touka closely, and his stance made her shrink a bit. "We're in the middle of nowhere, Touka. Why would you need your mask just to go on a small walk?" He waited a for a second, and then sighed, muttering, "I know what you're doing, Touka."

Touka growled, squeezing her fists together tightly. She faced the door once more, and lifted her mask over face, ready to leave now with no interruptions.

"Look, does it really matter where I go, and whether I bring my mask? I know what you're thinking, you know, and maybe I am going back to the 20th ward, or maybe I'm just going on a walk through the back roads. Either way, none of it is absolutely your business. I'll go whether or not you approve."

She made her way to the door, arm reaching for the knob. Really, it was a shame she didn't have her wig with her, but that was neither here nor there. She'd have to do without, and that was fine with her, as long as she could finish her mission.

She reached for the doorknob, but before she could turn it, there was a hand on her shoulder, forcefully pulling her back away from the door and pushing her against a wall.

She looked up to Yomo in anger, seeing his large hand continuing to hold her still, and she knew that no matter how strong she was, he was _much _stronger. Still, that did not stop her from struggling, but when she kicked Yomo's shin with everything she had, he didn't even flinch.

"Let me go!" Touka yelled, pushing and grunting and fighting with everything she had inside of her, because she wasn't going to let _Yomo_ stop her from doing anything she wanted to do. "Let me go, let me go, let me go!"

"No, I won't ever let you go," he replied, and his voice, smooth and unfeeling, made her blood boil. How dare he?! How dare he make her stay here when he wasn't feeling as much as she was? _How dare he say he won't let her go?!_

Everything...she was feeling everything, and she felt like she could explode under the pressure of it all. Anger, hatred, sadness, weariness, and everything in between. She was being burdened by these emotions, and they had weighed her down, made her feel things she hasn't felt since _Ayato _(the thought of her brother made her sick: the kid she had loved_, _had taken care of, and had lost, never to be found again) and it makes her angry – it makes her _furious _– because she wasn't supposed to feel anything at all. Especially for _him._

Him...the thought of even saying his name made her heart clench, as if it was hurt in an extraordinary way, as if it was _his _hands squeezing it so tight it could burst.

The thought was ridiculous. There was nothing extraordinary about that boy. She had seen him, worked with him, had trained him for God's sake, and nothing ever came out of it.

Except there _was. _She knew it, deep down inside of herself: she knew the boy, whose black hair was as dark as the night sky, and eyes that were as bright as stars, had been something special, something that _mattered. _He had mattered: to Hinami, to that boy who had never stopped putting up missing posters of him, and to Touka herself.

He was never supposed to matter. Until he did, and she had no control over it, over how quickly he had become such an important piece in her life. When he had left it had broken her heart, but it was nothing she had never experienced before, so she knew how to clean it up. She picked up the remains of her broken heart and placed them together again, like a fragile puzzle, except there was _always _some missing pieces.

Now that he was gone (she knew what really happened. She knew he was more than gone, but she couldn't bear to say those words, because what would she have if she didn't have some semblance of hope, even if she was lying to herself?) her heart had broken into even tinier shards, and she struggled once more to pick up the pieces.

Yomo, right here and now, was seeing her at her worst, and she didn't care if he didn't want her to go, because she'd rather die than have her heart broken again. Because when it does, inevitably, break once more (_why does everyone leave me alone?_) she's not sure she'll be able to survive that. It's happened so often, she's not sure she'll have anything left to pick up the pieces with.

She had felt something wet and warm roll down her cheeks and realized belatedly that it was her own tears.

Lifting a hand, she wiped her tears away, staring at her hand in silent mortification. Her breathing began to labor once more, and her body began to shake, and her hands gripped her chest as her heart clenched in agony. She dropped to her knees, and began to sob, as loud as she had sobbed when she was carrying Ayato on her back, the two of them out in the cold with no one to help them.

"Y-y-you...you can't say stuff like that," she hiccuped, and when Yomo kneeled next to her she had gripped his jacket sleeves as if her life depended on it. "I-if you s-s-say thing l-like tha-...that, then some-something bad will happen to y-you."

"Touka, breath," Yomo whispered to her, leaning his forehead against hers, and she _breathed, _in and out, slowly, and she thought that it helped some. "Nothing bad's going to happen to me."

"Yes, it will," she urged, and it took everything in her power to not let out a small, choked gasps as she spoke. "Father left...Ayato left me alone, after everything we had been through together, and you're _not _supposed to leave your family alone, you're not supposed to choose some _stupid organization over them!_"

Yomo gripped her tighter, running his hands through her hair, and even if she wanted to she couldn't stop what she was saying, not now.

"And Kaneki, after he saved me, after he _promised _that he wouldn't leave me alone...he left anyways. And now he's...he's..."

"I know, Touka, I know," Yomo murmered, and she lied her face on his chest, and the soft _bum-bum-bum _of his heart comforted her. At least he was still with her.

"I loved him, Yomo," she confesses, and a small weight on her heart is lifted. "I loved him _so, so much, _and now he's gone. I won't ever be able to see him again. I won't be able to apologize. I won't..."

Yomo whispered comforting words into her ear, rocking her back and forth, and she gripped him tighter. Yes, she was very glad that he was here, alive and with her, even though he was now destined for death. She would try, of course, to keep him alive. She would try her hardest, and she felt in her heart that he wouldn't leave her, unlike Ayato and Kaneki. Something told her so.

_Kaneki, I love you...please, somehow, just...be alive. Please. I need to see you again. I want to apologize to you, to hold your hand, to finally return all of the compliments you had ever given me._

She falls asleep in Yomo's arms.

She never sees Kaneki Ken again.


End file.
